Yesterday, my husband and I returned from a glorious glamping trip in the beautiful Idaho mountains and reset our body & mind. It had all the ingredients of a relaxing glamping getaway: abundant pine trees, forest surrounding us, flowing Payette River, campfires, children weaving their bicycles and running through the campground and families spending long days outside together, playing, eating, swimming, walking and goofing off. Yet, as we walked through the large campsite, I found myself thinking about one of the most frequently asked midsummer anxiety questions: Why is my anxiety worse in the summer? For anyone already feeling stretched thin, support is available through a FREE consultation with K-Counseling.
During one of my solo evening walks at our campground, I overheard a mother talking with her teenage daughter. I wasn’t listening to the details of their conversation, but I could hear something unmistakable in the mother’s voice.
She was worn thin; nerves frazzled.
She was still trying to be loving & patient. Still attempting to connect. Still working to stay present with her daughter. There was no dramatic argument or obvious crisis. It was simply a mother doing her best in an ordinary moment yet sounding as though she had been “on” for a very long summer and we were only partway through the season.
As we continued through the campground, I began noticing other parents differently.
I saw parents unloading coolers, organizing meals, refereeing sibling rivalry, applying sunscreen, cleaning and reminding children to drink water and stay together. I saw them hauling chairs, towels, toys & bicycles while trying to keep an eye on children moving in several directions. They were answering questions, organizing their surroundings and curating the experiences their children might someday remember as the best parts of the dog days of summer vacation.
The children seemed to have endless energy, screaming, giggling, antsy and always asking for snacks.
The parents looked like they were reaching deep into reserves that were already running dangerously close to empty themselves.
I wondered what happened after the campfires went out and the children finally fell asleep. When those parents crawled into bed after another long, hot summer day, were their bodies exhausted while their minds continued racing?
Did they ask themselves, "Am I doing this right?" or "Am I a good parent?" or probably a more popular question of, "Why do some parents make this look so easy?"
Or perhaps the question that can be the most difficult to admit "I thought I would be enjoying this more."
I will never truly know what those particular parents were thinking. But after years of listening to people describe the private thoughts they carry behind capable-looking exteriors, I know that many parents do ask themselves similar questions. And, I know how quickly those questions can turn into shame. And, shame is ALWAYS TOXIC
Summer is usually portrayed as a season of freedom, connection & carefree family memories. We see curated photographs of smiling children beside lakes, parents relaxing around campfires & families looking completely delighted to be together.
What the photographs rarely show is the preparation before the outing, the temper tantrums, the mosquito bites, the sunburns hat make the children cry in the shower, the expense of getting there, the argument in the car, the child who refused to sleep, the sulking teenager who never wanted to come anyway or the parent who quietly wondered whether all their effort was making anyone happy. Or, the dad who turned the car around and returned home because he had finally reached the end of his tether.
There is often tremendous pressure to make summer special.
Parents may be working their 9 to 5 jobs while also coordinating camps, childcare, vacations, meals, transportation & constantly shifting schedules. Their routines have disappeared yet responsibilities have not. In most families, the workload has actually increased. And, privately the parent may begin consulting the calendar to see how far away Fall is. Enter guilt & shame, stage left...again.
Summer anxiety feels confusing. Stress is easier to understand when something is clearly ofree...but summer and anxiety shouldn't be in the same sentence, right?
You can be grateful and exhausted.
You can deeply love your children & need time away from them.
You know these years are precious and still know they are demanding.
The physical conditions of summer can also make anxiety LOUDER. Heat may cause your heart ♥ to beat faster, increase sweating, interrupt sleep & can you leave you feeling dizzy, on edge or wiped out. Those sensations can feel remarkably similar to anxiety, especially for someone who has experienced panic attacks.
Add that to the loss of routine. Bedtimes have been disrupted. Meals time can feel chaotic and never-ending. Exercise becomes inconsistent. Children stay up past regular bedtimes and parents often stay awake even later because nighttime may be the only quiet time available.
The brain generally functions better with some degree of predictability. When every day requires a new plan, your nervous system is forced to make more decisions and manage more uncertainty. Even enjoyable activities can become exhausting when there is no room between them.
By the middle of July, most parents are no longer operating from a full tank. They have been trying to create a meaningful summer for weeks, while the normal demands of work, finances, relationships & household responsibilities remain.
Yet rather than recognizing overload, some parents personalize it. They compare themselves and forget that this is a demanding season. Some may even think, "I’m not handling this well enough."
That is where anxiety becomes particularly painful. It no longer simply tells you that you are tired. It begins judging you for being tired. And, self-judgment is shaming. The shame whispers that better parents are more patient, more creative & more delighted to spend every waking moment with their children & teens. It tries to convince you that everyone else is managing summer more successfully.
We all complicated humans and our parenting styles are unique...which means comparison is futile. The depleted mother I heard at the campsite was still showing up. Her fatigue did not mean she was failing her teen daughter. From what I could hear, she was doing something challenging: she continued to engage in conversation when she had very little energy left for her own needs.
- Sometimes good parenting does not look joyful or polished.
- Sometimes it looks like taking one breath before answering.
- Sometimes it means apologizing after losing your patience.
- Sometimes it means telling your family that you need thirty quiet minutes.
- Sometimes it means abandoning the elaborate plan, ordering pizza and allowing the day to be ordinary.
Your children do not need a parent who is constantly entertaining, cooking & cleaning. They need a parent who makes it safe to feel as they navigate an often confusing world. Not every summer day needs to become a good memory.
Children benefit from boredom. Families need unstructured time. A slower day is not a wasted day.
Instead of always asking yourself, "How can I make the rest of summer amazing for my kids?"
Ask, "What would make the rest of this summer sustainable?"
The answer may be fewer commitments, simpler meals, an earlier bedtime, less social media or one dependable routine that keeps you anchored. It may mean asking your spouse or older children carry more of the planning. It may mean allowing your teenager to be disappointed without immediately trying to fix the feeling. We learn by falling....you know...natural consequences.
If what you are experiencing has moved beyond ordinary summer fatigue, sometimes stepping away from the family for individual therapy is often quite beneficial. When racing thoughts keep you awake, irritability is affecting your relationships, panic symptoms are appearing more frequently or you feel unable to enjoy anything, it may be a sign that you need to talk to someone. Anxiety is treatable, and support does not need to be reserved only when things fall apart. You can learn more about Anxiety Treatment at K-Counseling and begin addressing the pattern before it controls the rest of your summer.
As I thought about those parents in our campground, I wondered how many of them needed someone to say this:
It's okay to be tired.
It's okay to enjoy some moments and struggle through others.
It's okay to need help.
And you do not have to prove that you are a good parent by remaining endlessly patient, cheerful & available.
Your ability to hold everything together is not the measure of your worth. Sometimes strength is recognizing that you have been holding too much.
Summer does not have to be perfect to be meaningful. Your children do not need a flawless collection of experiences. They need real connection, appropriate boundaries and parents who understand that caring for themselves is part of caring for the family.
For adiction al practical conversations about anxiety, emotional health and navigating challenging life seasons, visit the K-Counseling Blog Library.
And tonight, when the children are finally passed out from exhaustion and your tired body falls into bed, pay attention to where your mind goes. When it asks, "Am I a good parent?" or whispers, "I thought I would be enjoying this more,"...please do not rush to judge yourself. It likely just mean you are a limited human, at the end of your rope and ready for more support than you have been receiving.
Remember Just because you have a thought doesn't mean it's true.
When anxiety is keeping your mind awake long after your body has given everything it has, schedule a FREE Consultation with K-Counseling. You do not have to wait until summer has come to an end to begin feeling like YOU again
