If you have ever stayed up late at your kitchen table into the night and Googled, “What are the signs of autism?” or “Does my child have Autism or ADHD?” into the search bar, you are so not alone. Parents are actively searching for answers to these questions and more. Parents want a list of what to look for. They want answers and they want them now.
Usually, there is a story behind that mystery. Maybe your child is incredibly bright but struggles with relationships. Maybe homework takes hours. Maybe a small change in plans can turn into a strong emotional reaction that ends in a fit of tears. Perhaps teachers say everything looks fine at school, but your child falls apart the moment they get home. Or maybe your child already has been diagnosed propertly with ADHD, but something inside you keeps saying, There is something else going on here and now I am confused and I hate seeing my child struggle.
That question is worth exploring. You don’t need to know the answer before asking for help. If you are wondering whether autism could be part of your child’s story, you can schedule a free Autism consultation with K-Counseling and talk through what you are seeing before deciding what to do next.
How Do I Know If My Child Has Autism?
This is one of the biggest questions parents ask, and unfortunately, there is no ONE SYMPTOM that gives us the answer. Autism can be expressed differently in each child. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, Autism Spectrum Disorder affects how a person interacts with others, communicates, learns, information, & acta.
Some children show noticeable differences at a young age. Other children are bright, verbal, successful in school, and surprisingly good at hiding, or “masking," their struggles...sometimes into adulthood.
A parent might notice that their child cannot seem to keep friends. Another child may talk comfortably with adults but struggle with their peers. Some children take language very literally or have difficulty understanding humor, sarcasm, emotions facial expressions, or social cues. Others develop extremely intense interests and can spend hours learning or talking about a particular subject, like dinosaurs, outer space, rocks, etc...
Sensory sensitivity can also be part of the symptom presentation. Sounds, clothing, food textures, lights, crowds, or smells may feel much more intense to some children. A noisy cafeteria that most kids can tune out may feel completely overwhelming to a child with autism.
Then there is the child who holds everything together at school and completely falls apart at home. Parents sometimes hear, “We don’t see any of that here,” and begin questioning themselves. But some children work incredibly hard to manage themselves in structured or social settings. By the time they reach the safety of home, they are physically wiped out.
None of these behaviors by themselves automatically mean a child has autism. They are pieces of a much larger picture.
What Does ADHD Look Like?
ADHD can be equally confusing because it doesn’t always look like the stereotypical child who cannot sit still. Some children with ADHD are highly active, talkative, impulsive, & constantly moving. Others are quiet daydreamers who lose assignments, forget instructions, struggle with organization, or seem to disappear into their own thoughts.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, common ADHD symptoms can include frequent daydreaming, losing or forgetting things, fidgeting, talking excessively, making careless mistakes, having difficulty resisting impulses, struggling to wait for a turn, and experiencing problems getting along with others.
Of course, nearly every child does some of these things occasionally. The difference is both pattern & impact.
Forgetting a single homework assignment doesn’t mean your child has ADHD. However, repeatedly forgetting assignments, losing everything, missing instructions, struggling with multi-step tasks, & spending hours trying to complete relatively simple homework may tell us something more.
And this is where autism & ADHD can become difficult for parents to separate.
_________________________________
Can My Child Have Both Autism & ADHD?
In a word, YES.
Autism & ADHD are different conditions, but a child can have both. Current CDC guidance recommends that healthcare providers evaluating children for ADHD also look for other conditions that may occur alongside it, including Autism Spectrum Disorder, anxiety, depression, learning disorders, language disorders, and sleep problems. It is important to look at a full developmental picture as well. Historical data is required to complete a comprehensive assessment.
The overlap between autism and ADHD can make things difficult to untangle without a good evaluation.
Imagine a child who regularly misses social cues. A child with ADHD may miss the cue because their attention has already moved somewhere else. A child with autism may miss that exact same cue because understanding social communication itself is difficult.
From the outside, the behavior can look almost identical. What is happening underneath may be very different.
Transitions are another example. A child with ADHD may become upset when asked to stop playing a video game because shifting attention and controlling impulses can be difficult. A child with autism may become extremely distressed by the same request because predictability, routine, or an intense interest is involved.
And a child who has both autism & ADHD may be dealing with several of these challenges at the same time.
This is one reason I am cautious about quick diagnoses. Children are complicated. A checklist by itself cannot tell us everything we need to know.
If your child already has an ADHD diagnosis but you have continued thinking, There is something else here, pay attention to that. It doesn’t automatically mean autism, but it may be worth investigating. You can start with a free Autism consultation to discuss whether a more complete evaluation makes sense.
Is My Child Just Being Difficult?
I wish more parents would ask this question out loud because many are quietly thinking it.
Maybe your child argues constantly. Simple requests turn into battles. A change in plans can derail the entire evening. Your child seems overly sensitive, emotionally explosive, rigid, demanding, or incredibly difficult to redirect.
Eventually, parents start questioning themselves. Am I too easy on them? Am I too hard on them? Why does parenting this child seem so much harder than it should be? Behavior is data; think of it as feedback.
That doesn’t mean every behavior should be excused. Children still need boundaries, expectations, accountability, and structure. A diagnosis should never become a reason for us to enable poor behavior. But we make much better parenting decisions when we understand why something is happening.
Sometimes what looks like defiance is overwhelm. Sometimes what looks like laziness is difficulty with executive functioning. Sometimes what looks like rudeness is a child who completely missed a social cue.
Understanding the reason behind the behavior can completely change how we respond to it.
When Should I Have My Child Evaluated?
You don’t have to wait until your child is failing. You don’t have to wait until friendships completely fall apart, your teenager refuses to go to school, or your entire family is exhausted from daily battles. And you certainly don’t have to prove that something is “bad enough” before you begin asking questions.
The CDC notes that autism can sometimes be detected at 18 months or younger, and by age two, a diagnosis made by an experienced professional can be considered reliable. Yet many people are not diagnosed until much later.
Sometimes differences become easier to recognize as children get older simply because life gets more complicated; more is expected; responsibilities increase. Elementary school friendships turn into complicated middle-school peer groups. Teachers expect greater independence. Homework requires more organization. Schedules become more complicated. Social rules become less obvious.
The autism or ADHD didn’t necessarily suddenly appear.
Life may simply have become demanding enough that the child’s differences became easier to see.
What Should Parents Look For?
Rather than focusing on one behavior, look for patterns. You may notice ongoing difficulty making or keeping friends, trouble understanding humor or social cues, unusually intense interests, strong reactions to changes, sensory sensitivities, frequent emotional meltdowns, significant absent mindedness or distraction, impulsivity, difficulty completing multi-step tasks, or a major difference between how your child functions at school and how they function at home.
1 of the most important signs: You keep feeling that something doesn’t quite add up.
Maybe your child’s current diagnosis explains some of what you see but not all of it. Maybe your child is doing well academically but struggling with relationships. Maybe everyone tells you your child is “fine,” but you see how much energy it takes for them to appear fine...all reasonable reasons to continue to ask questions.
A Good Autism Evaluation Should Look at the Whole Child
This is something I feel strongly about. There is no single blood test, computer test, questionnaire, or checklist that can diagnose autism. The CDC specifically states that no single tool should be used as the basis for an autism diagnosis. A thorough evaluation looks at the whole person their development, behavior, social communication, daily functioning, history, and what the evaluator observes during the assessment. Often for children, interviewing several caretakers is part of the comprehensive interviews used to get a broader picture of the child's history.
The same principle applies to ADHD. There is no single test that should stand alone as an ADHD diagnosis. Other concerns, including anxiety, depression, sleep problems, learning differences, & autism, can sometimes morph into symptoms that look like each other.
At K-Counseling, our Autism Evaluations are intentionally comprehensive. Every Autism Evaluation includes our FDA-cleared ADHD test at no additional charge.
We believe that is important because autism and ADHD can occur together, and the symptoms sometimes overlap. Instead of making parents wonder whether they should test for ADHD first and autism later, we can look at both concerns as part of a much bigger picture.
Our Autism Evaluation process can include a battery of autism-specific assessments, behavioral observation, a thorough biopsychosocial assessment, ADHD testing, and information from parents, caregivers, and other people who know the child well when appropriate.
Why go to this much effort?
Because your child is more than a score.
The question isn’t simply, “Did my child score high enough on a test?” The better question is, “What is actually happening with my child?”
If you have reached the point where you want more than another online quiz or late-night Google search, a free Autism consultation with K-Counseling can help you decide whether a full evaluation is an appropriate next step.
What If I Don’t Want My Child “Labeled”?
I understand why parents worry about this. Nobody wants their child reduced to a diagnosis.
But a good diagnosis doesn’t change your child.
Your child is exactly the same person the day after an evaluation as they were the day before. What can change is your understanding of them.
Suddenly, something that looked like stubbornness may make more sense. A teacher may better understand why transitions are difficult. Parents may recognize that certain expectations are creating unnecessary battles. And perhaps most importantly, a child may finally begin developing language for experiences they have never been able to explain.
For some families, receiving a diagnosis brings grief. For others, it brings tremendous relief. Often, it brings a little of both.
I have seen how emotional it can be when people finally receive an explanation for something they have struggled with for years. Sometimes there are tears because things finally make sense. Getting answers matters.
You Don’t Need to Know the Answer Before Asking the Question
Parents sometimes hesitate to contact us because they think they need to be fairly certain their child has autism before requesting an evaluation. Not true. We can help. That is the purpose of an evaluation.
Maybe the answer is autism. Maybe it is ADHD. Maybe it is both. Maybe anxiety, learning differences, trauma, sleep problems, or another concern is contributing to what you are seeing. Or, maybe it is just a stage of development.
We should never begin an evaluation determined to find a particular diagnosis. We should begin it determined to better understand the person sitting in front of us.
If you have been searching the internet night after night, comparing symptoms, taking online quizzes, talking to teachers, and wondering whether you are overreacting, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
You know your child. You know when something feels different. You don’t need to know what to call it yet.
Sometimes the next step is simply getting enough information to know what the next step should be. Schedule a free Autism consultation with K-Counseling and start with a conversation.
Because getting the right diagnosis isn’t about giving your child a label...It’s about finally having a better map for understanding where to go from here.
