You cannot feel good 100% of the time, right?
Sometimes, negative events occur that are outside of your control and can leave you feeling emotionally unhinged. You don’t have to be transparent with your emotional state, however. When you are highly emotional, you still have the option to preserve your composure and dignity. You have options; you can hold it back so that it doesn’t contaminate your current social interactions, like in a work, academic or recreational setting.
How?
Self regulation. Imagine you are comprised of more than one self. Your other self is analytical and cool under pressure and may even have a different voice from the self that experienced the negative event. This simple distancing technique can provide the space you need to distance you from the situation. It is giving yourself a pep-talk, if you will, from a third person’s point of view. (Example: “All right, Donny, so you don’t know why this friend has dumped you. It happens. It isn’t the end of the world. You are a loyal and genuine friend and there are a lot of people who want a loyal and genuine friend like you.”)
The more intense the emotional state is in the moment, the more distancing is required.
~Lisa Schiro, M.S., LPC
