Broccoli Before Brownies
The Key to Parenting Yourself
Let’s face it: adulting can be a drag. Between juggling work, family, and all the curveballs life throws at us, it’s easy to feel like you’re just winging it. But here’s the kicker: no one is coming to save you. Hard to hear-but not as bad as it sounds. You are the author of your life. This requires you to parent yourself.
Yes, you heard it right. Parenting isn’t just for kids; it’s something we need to do for ourselves. Think of it as cultivating your inner mom or dad to guide you, set boundaries, and hold you accountable. Why? Because discipline isn’t innate—it’s built through consistent self-parenting.
What Does “Parenting Yourself” Even Mean?
At its core, parenting yourself is about adopting the nurturing and guiding principles that good parents use on their children—only this time, you’re the parent and the child. It’s about giving yourself structure while also showing self-compassion.
Imagine you’re a five-year-old who wants to eat ice cream for dinner. The child in you says, “Why not? Ice cream is delicious!” But the parent in you steps in: “Nope. Dinner first. Then you can have a small scoop.” That’s self-parenting in action. It’s about prioritizing long-term benefits over fleeting pleasures.
The Connection Between Self-Parenting & Discipline
Discipline isn’t sexy. It’s not as exciting as following your impulses or indulging in guilty pleasures. But it’s the secret sauce to achieving anything worthwhile. Here’s where self-parenting comes in: it helps you develop the habits, routines, and mindset needed to stick to your goals.
When you parent yourself, you create a system of accountability. You’re no longer waiting for external validation or a boss to tell you what to do. Instead, you’re setting your own rules—and sticking to them. But don’t confuse discipline with punishment. Good parents don’t scold their kids into submission; they guide them with love and consistency. Similarly, parenting yourself isn’t about being a drill sergeant. It’s about being firm but kind.
Why Is It So Difficult?
Let’s be real: self-parenting isn’t easy. For one, most of us weren’t exactly taught how to do it. If you grew up with overly strict or overly permissive parents, you might struggle to find a healthy balance. On top of that, the modern world is full of distractions that make discipline feel like a Herculean task.
Social media? A rabbit hole of endless scrolling. Streaming platforms? Binge-watch central. Add in the constant barrage of notifications, and it’s no wonder we’re so easily derailed.
But the biggest hurdle? Ourselves. We often let our inner child run the show. And while it’s okay to let loose occasionally, giving in to every whim is a recipe for chaos.
How to Start Parenting Yourself in 6 Simple Steps
Step 1. Set Clear Expectations
Just like good parents establish rules for their kids, you need to set boundaries for yourself. Write down your goals and break them into actionable steps. Want to wake up earlier? Start by setting a consistent bedtime. Want to exercise regularly? Schedule your workouts like non-negotiable appointments.
Step 2. Create Structure and Routine
Kids thrive on routines, and so do adults. A consistent schedule helps you stay organized and reduces decision fatigue. Try structuring your day around your priorities. For example, dedicate mornings to deep work and evenings to relaxation.
Step 3. Hold Yourself Accountable
Parents follow up on their kids’ chores, homework, and behavior. You should do the same for yourself. Track your progress and celebrate wins, no matter how small. Missed the mark? Acknowledge it, learn from it, and get back on track.
Step 4. Be Compassionate but Firm
Less shaming and more kindness. If you slip up, don’t spiral into self-criticism. Instead, treat yourself like you would a child who made a mistake: with understanding and encouragement to do better next time.
Step 5. Limit Distractions
Turn off notifications, set healthy boundaries, set app limits, and create an environment that supports focus.
Step 6. Reward Yourself
Discipline isn’t about deprivation; it’s about delayed gratification. Celebrate your wins with small rewards. Finished a big project? Treat yourself to a TV episode after you have taken a brisk walk. Rewards reinforce habits.
The Benefits of Self-Parenting
When you parent yourself well, the benefits are life-changing. After all, micro actions done consistently for an extended period of time can yield massive results. You become more disciplined, productive, and resilient. You stop procrastinating and start taking consistent action toward your goals. You are creating a new habit.
But the biggest perk? Self-respect. When you honor your commitments to yourself, you build trust in your ability to handle life’s challenges. That confidence spills over into every aspect of your life—from your career to your relationships. And, how you see yourself filters how you see every person & situation.
Final Thoughts
Parenting yourself is a lifelong practice, not a one-time fix. It requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow. Some days, you’ll crush it. Other days, you’ll feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum. And that’s okay. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself. Because at the end of the day, no one can discipline you better than you can. So step up, embrace your inner parent, and start creating the life you deserve.
~Lisa Schiro MS LCPC
Founder & CEO
K-Counseling & Anxiety Treatment LLC